I’m hungover and I just wanna write.
I’m in love with everything today. It all feels so good. I remember the first time I got drunk and I finally understood what it meant to earn some perspective. You live your whole life until that moment behind one lens of consciousness. Sober is just one way of thinking. It really is.
I remember the first time I was hungover. I was standing in line to sell some textbooks back in May. A 20 year old dude that kinda lived a strict and up-tight lifestyle. I thought it was all so stupid, to drink and smoke and do bad stuff. I thought it was immature and dishonest and artificial. You grow up thinking that way. Then you finish a real tough few months of school and find yourself holding an iced glass full of Blue Moon, an orange slice nestled on the brim.
I was standing in line, ready to sell some textbooks, just thinking “this is what it’s like.”
This is what it’s like to be hungover, and what it’s like to be forced to slow down. Just breathe and rest and revitalize a bit. That’s where I am today. I’m just sitting here admiring everything in life, moving at the pace of a snail, letting it all pass me as I wave with a smile. It’s moving through me. I can feel it. I can feel it.
I ordered a pizza today. I finished the last couple of Oreos. And I fell in love today, too.
This life is so full. It’s an adventure. Take a moment to scroll through all your photos on Facebook. It sends you down a long lane of nostalgia, but it’s fucking good for you. It’s so refreshing. I can’t tell you how often I’m caught in this trap of “what’s next?”. It happens every year. But I keep forgetting that every time it happens, something good comes. Something fucking great comes. Every year, this happens to me. When I look through old photos, I laugh so hard at myself. “Dude, you have no idea what’s coming. How good it gets. You big goof.”
It’s all so good.
I love my entire life. I love when my life makes me chuckle. It’s always making me chuckle, too.
Last night I just couldn’t stop laughing at how serious everybody was. Everybody was just scowling. The bars in general are such a show, such a circus. A slew of animals prancing about in their million-dollar collars and plastered eyelashes, scouring the watering hole for a scrap of pretty meat. Nobody knows what the fuck to do. It’s so funny.
I was dancing like a child last night. Like a child.
I’ve never cared so little before. And everybody loved it. I’ll admit that to you, and to myself. Everybody fucking loved it. It’s because I didn’t play the game at all. I didn’t pretend to be cool, or to be somebody, or to be pretty or rude or strong or mean or nice or whatever the fuck else people pretend to be. I just danced like a kid on the roof with a breeze and a glass full of ice.
That shit made me so happy.
Today, I went and bought a coffee. And this lady behind me, she was in a big rush or something. There were a ton of cars in the drive-thru, so I decided to go inside, and I ordered something with ice. And there was this monk who was dressed in a tangerine robe talking with his wife across the room. They were just kinda yelling at each other, but not in a mean or aggressive way. And I couldn’t understand them because I don’t speak what they were speaking.
Anyway, there were a ton of cars in the drive-thru, and the baristas were pretty busy. It took a few minutes to get my drink, which was cool, because I was just watching this monk speak with his hands. And this lady comes in, and she starts yelling, and I mean in a mean and aggressive way. She’s yelling at the barista her drink order, and meanwhile he’s finishing up with mine. And he says “hold on a minute” and she just keeps saying “iced latte, I want an iced latte”. This lady wouldn’t chill the fuck out.
It made me just laugh. That shit is funny. The lady couldn’t just wait a second.
I don’t like when people can’t wait.
I’m sitting here curled up on this chair, sipping at this coffee and a lawnmower is going off nearby. I’m thinking about being in love, and this crazy feeling of having a huge crush on a chick. She’s so damn lovely. This chick, she just smiles with her eyes. It’s unreal. I’ve never seen such a beautiful thing. The kind of stuff that makes you feel like nothing bad actually happens. Nothing bad happens because she’s alive, and she’s nearby, and she’s giggling at you, at least for now.
There’s just something about this chick. She knows how to laugh. She just gets it.
And it got me to thinking and feeling happy all day. Because I can hear her laughing in my head.
I love writing like this. It doesn’t need to be anything special. Just a memento of a moment of a time in my life. Like a mile-marker for the journey. I’ll read this in a couple of years and just laugh, because some bad shit and some good shit will have happened to me by then, and I’ll be a different version of myself, and I’ll just love that day when I was in love with everything.
It’s all just a miracle, anyway. This whole thing is a miracle.
I’m hungover today, and I just wanted to write.